182 Princes Highway or Pakenham Office: 2 Simon
Counselling offers you choices. Often counselling is essential to cope
with a crisis or problem. Counselling is needed when the individual's , or
a couple's personal
resources are not sufficient to resolve a problem. It is a helpful aid to reach new
goals for personal, couple and family fulfilment.
Our health can be affected by the quality of the relationship.
Australian research has found that:
divorced or widowed women report about 60% more mental health problems than married women.
People who are separating have higher mental breakdowns than do married people.
Those separated or divorced are more likely to report poor mental health than
those currently married or who have never married.
The enhancement of marriage has important benefits for the long-term mental
health of children.
A relationship breakdown can impair a person's wellbeing for at least five
Ref; MG Inc. (Vic)
STRESS AS A HEALTH HAZARD
About mid February 2000, the news media reported that research had found that
in cities that suffered a bombardment, the heart attacks and deaths resulting from such
missile attacks were equal to the number of causalities from direct hits. Stress was
recognised as the common factor. It was further claimed that death as a result of
long term anxiety was as high as deaths related to smoking. Many people today find
themselves in constant stress and anxiety in the workplace, which then becomes a health
hazard. Inevitably such stress flows over into relationships and marriage and as a
consequence stress levels are raised in both partners.
It may well be that people living in relationships or marriages in which the
stress and underlying anxiety levels are high are reducing their life expectancy just as
much as if they were heavy smokers. Normally a small amount of stress is a useful
occurrence. It is only when the stress is excessive and underlying anxiety levels are high
that preventative action needs to take place.
If you are finding that stress levels and anxiety levels
are high it's time you approached a competent and qualified counsellor for help.
OVERCOMING YOUR OWN STRETCHED PERSONAL
When Can Counselling Be Helpful?
When life becomes stressful and it seems that you cannot work out a personal
difficulty alone, a trained counsellor may be able to help you work through your problems
and give you an opportunity to better understand yourself, your relationships, values, and
beliefs. A counsellor can help you solve problems realistically so that you can work
toward a more satisfying, productive, and fulfilling life.
The Counselling Process Can Help You:
Communicate better with the important people in your life
Deal with addictive behaviours.
Develop a more enriching and holistic spiritual life.
Enhance personal growth/self esteem. Enrich your marriage or remarriage.
Heal from emotional/physical/sexual/ spiritual abuse.
Make moral/ethical decisions.
Parent more effectively.
Rebuild your life after a significant loss or change.
Resolve causes of depression, anxiety, anger, confusion, and insecurity.
Assess growth and vocational concerns with your future partner.
HELPING YOU ACHIEVE MORE SATISFYING PERSONAL INTEGRITY IN
BASIC OBLIGATIONS IN A RELATIONSHIP:
The obligation to give goodwill to the other.
The obligation to give emotional support to your partner
The obligation to ensure that your partner's viewpoint is honoured, even though
you have a different viewpoint.
The obligation to ensure that your partner's feelings and experiences are
acknowledged as real.
The obligation to give a sincere apology for any jokes your partner finds
The obligation to give clear and informative answers to questions that concern
what is legitimately your partner's business.
The obligation to ensure that your partner lives free from accusation and blame.
The obligation to ensure that your partner lives free from criticism and
The obligation to ensure that your partner receives encouragement.
The obligation to ensure that your partner lives free from angry outbursts and
The obligation to call your partner by no name that devalues.
The obligation to ask respectfully rather than order.
Adapted: "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". - Basic Rights.
Patricia Evans. Bob Adams Inc. Holbrook. Massachusetts.
DO A PERSONAL ASSESSMENT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
PROBLEMS IN A RELATIONSHIP FROM A WOMAN'S PERSPECTIVE
1. You are frightened to get upset and you keep your feelings to yourself.
2. Little things tend to upset you, and you try not to address the important concerns in
3. When your husband or partner is helping you it just doesn't seem right.
4. Your happiness and contentment depends on your husband or partner changing his ways.
5. You feel uncomfortable when asking for help and consideration.
6. Your husband or partner is forever forgetting to put you first and remembering to do
those small things that mean so much to you, like picking up something for the evening
7. When your not content, and find no happiness in your relationship you think its your
fault, and you are making a big issue out of nothing.
8. You feel your husband or partner no longer finds you attractive and this doesn't worry
you any more.
PROBLEMS IN A RELATIONSHIP FROM A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE
1. Your wife or partner's feelings mystify you, and you tramp on her feelings and emotions
by telling her she shouldn't feel like that.
2. Your work or other problems, or television or reading the newspaper have so taken over
your thinking and energy levels that you find yourself only half listening to your
wife or partner and your children.
3. Other things distract you from the projects around the house that you promised your
wife or partner you would do.
4. You are concentrating so much on your job that you find you are forever forgetting to
do those extra little things you promised you would do for your wife or partner.
5. You feel your wife or partner no longer finds you attractive and this doesn't worry you
6. You can't understand why your wife or partner gets so upset over things that to you
don't seem to matter.
7.You become impatient when your partner begins to try to communicate with you, or else
you purposely don't listen.
Adapted from John Gray's, Men, Women & Relationships, Hodder & Stoughton,
Rydalmere, NSW. 1995. pp 170.
In a Relationship
A Woman's primary needs are:
To be loved
To be cared for
To be understood
To be respected
A Man's primary needs are:
To be loved
To be accepted
To be appreciated
To be trusted
FACE TO FACE COUNSELLING
Joan Spencer & Associates have been offering face to face counselling since
their inception in July 1993. Our counsellors have up to thirty years experience in face
to face counselling.
WHAT HAPPENS IN FACE TO FACE COUNSELLING
The counsellor will first of all ask you about the problem that has brought you to
counselling. Following this, the counsellor will use his or her skills, theory base and strategies,
to delve deeper in order to understand you as a person, and to identify possible sources
that contribute to the problem having arisen in the first place, and continuing.
(This is why it is important that your counsellor is well qualified. When
seeking a counsellor you should ascertain his or her tertiary qualifications,
membership of relevant associations, her or his theory base from which he or she draws,
and his or her years of counselling experience. You can find out
us by clicking on the highlighted text "about us" in this sentence. In
Australia, counselling is an unregulated profession. Not all counsellors are adequately qualified or trained. Remember that you get what you
At Joan Spencer & Associates we believe that for relationship or marriage
counselling, values handed down from the family of origin of both partners, or husband and
wife, position of each person in the family, i.e. firstborn, lastborn or middle child etc.
all contribute to the health of your relationship. Similarly the reasons you were attracted
to each other in the first place, the quality of your intimate and sexual relationships,
and your expectations from counselling, and commitment to seeking and applying solutions
are all relevant to successful counselling. As a consequence all these areas are normally
explored in the sessions by your counsellor.
By the end of the first hour session the counsellor will hopefully be able to
indicate some of the choices and strategies, she or he has identified as possibly being of
help in your situation. Some work to do at home will be offered to you. By giving you
"homework," we encourage you to continually address the circumstances that have
led you to seek our counsel in the first place, and also to help defray your costs, as it
is possible to deal with the content of this "homework" during the session. If
you choose not to take up this option then inevitably the overall cost of counselling will
be increased because you will need to attend more sessions.